I've written "my story" over a dozen times, I've done the fluffy "love and light" crap, I've done the professional business lady story, I've done the "I just want everyone to like me" story....they are all versions of my story...but this one, this is the real, raw and uncensored story. If you don't like swearing then I suggest you hit the X button right now!
I grew up in a military family, (probably owing to my terrible potty mouth!) always having to be the chameleon, dimming myself to fit in, shrinking myself down to fit into a version of me that people wanted to be friends with, that could keep her head down and crack on as I moved from school to school, place to place.
But you see, nobody ever knew the REAL me, I was just a toned down "well behaved" version of me.
I longed to breakout of my shell and be the me that I knew I was. That shit-hot, funny as hell girl, with all her weird but interesting quirks in there, that was busting to get out....but no...that wasn't what happened...
I tarred myself a bit of a weirdo, thinking to myself "what the fuck is going on here?!" everytime I would have a "knowing" or make a prediction that came true I would see and feel creepy stuff, I would be very in tune with and, what I used to call "spooky goings on". As an empath, I also took on how others felt, physically and emotionally, and I felt it HARD!
I managed to squeeze my way through school, not quite an outcast, but I lost a lot of friendships. I was too nice, too giving, too trusting, too naive - thinking that everyone was as nice and genuine as I was. I quickly learnt how wrong I was. I learnt that people are total arseholes for no reason other than to serve their own ego.
I learned that people would lie, just to get ahead, to be popular, to look like the bigger person.
Towards the end of school I was a shell, I'd been through so much shit, also chucking in some major childhood trauma there too. Most days i just wanted to die - I even thought about doing it myself! I was the full package of fucked up! - but nobody would ever know that!
Continuing on, in through terrible relationships, abusive relationships, narcissistic friendships, shrinking and shrinking. I had succumbed to the shit show that is life. I had learnt to shut the hell up and just crack on with life. To smile and be sweet. But life continued shitting on me, time and time again (I bet you're here reading this thinking "me too!" huh?!)
Fast forward a few more years, adding in the terror of almost losing my firstborn and being very ill myself, gladly we both recovered, I then had another child. Two under two was a blessing, but Christ on a bike it was HARD! I spiralled into a deep, dark, shitty hold of postnatal depression. Followed by an unwelcome diagnosis of a chronic illness. Then adding in the diagnosis of my eldests ASD & ADHD and learning difficulties.
At this point, if I was playing Pity Bingo, I'd have won a full house!
My life is, and has not been a bed of roses. I've been through some really awful shit! Equally I've been through some regular stuff too, but to me I suffered through it because of the state of mind I was in.
Constantly feeling sorry for myself, thinking the world was out to get me, everyone was conspiring against me.
I've done things I'm not proud of, but I've done things that have generated memories and friendships that I wouldn't swap for anything!
So if you're reading up to here and thinking, "right, okay! But how does this tie in with what she does?!"
Let me tell you, it ties in with EVERYTHING!
Without all of this, I wouldn't have the attitude that I do today!
After years and years of depression, social anxiety, trauma, always looking for approval, feeling like I was never good enough, I am sat here today, typing this story, not giving a toss about my cursing, mannerisms or attitude...
You know why?!
Because I've earned it!
I've come to a point that I've overcome so much, I've been the person I thought people wanted, but it wasn't enough! So I came to the realisation that being unapologetically me is the best way to be. The people that matter the most that are meant to be there, will love me for me and always be there, but for those who I am "too much", "too weird", "not good enough", they can shove their petty ideals up their arsehole!
I'm done with bowing down, shrinking and fitting into teeny tiny boxes that I can't really fit into.
This shines true in the work that I do, being praised for my honesty, my directness, my authenticity - but still being a good person! I am not an arsehole, I assure you that!
I've dealt with far too many arseholes in my lifetime! And I make it my mission, that when undertaking the work I do, be it guidance, healing, coaching, art, or anything else, that I am truly transparent - what you see IS what you get.
Yes, I'm spiritual and subscribe to many different ways of energy workers, but I. AM. ME!
I don't have to fit into a category or stereotype.
It's likely if you've stumbled upon me by accident, I'm probably not what you were expecting.
But with guidance, healing and coaching, what is the point in giving a fluffy, sugar coated version?!
Do you not want a more direct route to get the results you want, with an honest viewpoint, with honest direction, with a down to earth, no bullshit attitude, with someone who isn't going to take the piss and feed you a load of crap just to satisfy your ego...because I sure as hell don't!
I am here, for YOU, with a loving, empathic side of guidance, healing and support, but I am also me.
I am the me who is owning her shit!
I am the me who is not afraid to be her true self!
I am the me who stands for those women who are too afraid to stand for themselves!
I am the me who is DONE with being treated like crap!
I am the me who does NOT need to fit into a box, or tidy little label!
I am the me who is here to help you be your best you, to re-ignite and remember WHY you are here!
To remember what you are here to do!
To really tune into and become the woman you DESERVE to be!
You owe that to yourself!
I'm only here to guide you back to that person!
I'm not some magical witch who will turn you into a whole other being...because why be someone else, when you can be you?!
I'm here to support you in searching deep inside yourself and your higher consciousness.
I am here as you need me!
But please, let me be me, and I will help you to be you.
With the sincerest love and support!
Because It really sucks to feel like shit - no one deserves that!
So take this time to take what you need, to embrace you, to be that woman you want to be. And if you're stuck in finding her, then that's what I'm here for.
I am ME.
But I'm empowering you to become your best YOU!
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